I've been told over the years that I can get a bit intense. Friends suggested taking yoga or Tai Chi classes, getting a massage, anything to keep them from punching me in the face. Good advice, I thought.

As part of my calming regimen, I invested in a Sound Spa Clock. Tired of being shocked into consciousness day after day by the mind-blasting clatter of my former bedside companion, I am now gently beckoned awake by soothing sounds of nature. If awakened in the middle of the night, I only need look to my ceiling to see the soft glow of the projected hour. I also use the soothing sounds to relax me into slumber, or the built-in CD player to listen to my favorite music.

So you see, friends, I am now at peace with my inner self. A symbol of balanced well-being and no longer a harbinger of pugilistic tendencies amongst those who love me. I've exchanged my aggressive intensity for the ability to twist my body into positions no man should have to endure. No more yelling at the often-offensive printer, no more physical altercations with my wireless mouse. Tears over an empty doughnut box are a thing of the past. So that being said, can I have my spot back in the carpool?